I wake up moody, worrying about the future. Last night I was reading about the unemployment numbers online. Perhaps that’s why I am feeling dark. I wonder what I can do personally, how I can contribute in the face of this daunting economy.
I go through the motions of my morning, with my mind mulling over possibilities. As I walk to the mailbox, a lizard crosses my path, and instead of darting away, he sits quietly. I have the impulse to continue on, knowing he will then move, but I don’t. Instead I wait, listening, hoping there is a message that may come from this meeting. I realize that I have been worrying about the worst possibilities rather than focusing on what I want in life. Lizard tells me about dreaming what is possible, being present to the moment so I can feel what needs to arise.
So I begin again. I begin with what I notice in this moment, the sunlit morning and the soft bay breezes, the flowers blooming on my porch. I become aware of the heaviness in my body, the lethargy that is visiting me today. I initiate caring for my self, feeling what parts of my body need to move and expand. On the floor I notice my strength and flexibility. I practice feeling grateful for my life, the beauty of my surroundings, my full belly, my health.
Back to beginner’s mind, each moment is mine to participate with, relating to my self and what is occurring all around me – my larger self. It is all I can do, listen, respond, then move in response to my inner feeling, again and again. The plants need watering, the phone rings, ideas that want to be written swirl in my mind. I sit to write. I am no longer worrying. I am once again aware that I am part of the flow of life.